Reflections on “success” as a new mom.

I became a mother in 2022 and, as has occurred for all of history, I joined in a season of overwhelming love and became invisible all at the same time. Today I see a need to redefine success in motherhood for my  sake and for mothers all around us.

If you’re reading this as family member or a close friend, please know I am so grateful for you and your encouragement.

I stepped away from my life’s hustle and bustle to care for my precious son. To my surprise, it seemed I hadn’t experienced prior to his birth feelings of such overarching insignificance. My thoughts no longer mattered in adult conversation. Overnight, my perspective went from being considered noteworthy to ignorant and out-of-touch. My needs became not worth considering much less checking in on.

And here is my conclusion.

Right now our society only glorifies one thing: SUCCESS.

My life up to motherhood was charged with achievement and success and the discipline it takes to be successful. Before my baby, I defined success very differently. Because I love to excel, I was unprepared to value the kind of success that leaves a true legacy or impact.

I have found there is little to no respect for the discipline and delayed gratification (sometimes we are talking decades later!) of pouring day in and day out into precious, malleable children.

Going into motherhood, I knew that the stakes were high in these first years of my son’s life. Both the research and reflections of more experienced parents point towards the irreplaceable role of a hands-on mother in these first, some say five years. Mothers set the trajectory for the future of their child’s entire life, but not all mothers consider that a top priority. Personally, I decided that my wants, desires, passions, and dreams outside of family would need to come second if I wanted to live out the premium I was placing on my role as a mother.

Has this been easy? Absolutely not. In my case, there isn’t a bone in my body that still isn’t driven to achieve and succeed.

I struggle to slow down, to rest, or to not compete in every little thing. Competing with myself in workouts leaves me just itching to push myself to the edge of my limits. I haven’t watched a single movie since my son was born. I crave challenges every day to be better.

Enter: “Old MacDonald Had a Farm” on repeat and we had a small identity crisis.

But this is where a lifetime of living the way you want collides with a child’s mental and emotional development. This is the proving ground for my personal definition of success. My child’s growth and development now supersedes my pursuits. As a result, I am endeavoring with you to redefine “success” in motherhood and focus on shifting my perspective.

And I’m also finding a new voice in speaking out. I encourage others to not be misled or compromised by competing values in today’s society that would diminish our role as mothers.

Hands-on mothers–whether you stay at home, work inside or outside the home, or any combination of the two–who devote vast amounts of time with and for our children are the backbone of society. We are raising the next generation to be joyful, disciplined, and healthy babies who one day become grounded followers or competent leaders.

What defines success anyway?

When I hear older mothers talk about their children, am I the only one alarmed by the growing rates of attention-related mental health diagnoses in our children?

Or the emergency rates of childhood obesity linked to hollowed out homes that lack the attention of a parent who can pave the way towards healthy, whole foods diets?

Am I alone in my concerns? I think in everyday terms of how my actions will affect generations to come, because whether I like it or not, they do.

But I am interested in what you think. Let’s find our way together in this generation of new mothers. Let’s link arms and redefine success in motherhood. Join the conversation as we take guidance from the past and apply it to the future for ourselves and for our children. Send me a “hey!” over on Instagram. We will link arms and redefine success today in motherhood.

_Xo,
B