4 MIN READ

Forgiving other people can be easy if they’ve apologized and visibly seem like they feel bad. Forgiving ourselves, however, is an entirely different ballgame.

We tend to feel like we don’t deserve forgiveness and like we have messed up too many times to be worthy of another chance. This goes for mistakes we make both big and small.

But, logically speaking, if we know forgiveness of others is important, why should we also forgive ourselves?

For starters, everybody makes mistakes and we are all wounded from past hurts and regrets. I’m reminded of the story of Paul (Saul) in the book of Acts. He went from someone who intentionally killed Christians to being one of Jesus’ most devoted followers as he dedicated the rest of his life to sharing the good news of Jesus Christ and God’s grace through salvation. Talk about a past! No one is too far gone down a bad path to not be forgiven. 

We can assume he felt very badly and regretted what he had done, but once he got forgiveness from the Lord, he was able to forgive himself and walk in that freedom. Forgiveness allowed him the fresh start he needed to change directions and try again.

That is the type of forgiveness of ourselves that we should aim for.

3 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD FORGIVE YOURSELF:

#1 When we forgive ourselves, we create space to be able to go back to the person we were before we messed up or stepped out of line.

We give ourselves forgiveness and we get the gift of a second chance and another opportunity to improve. In my life, I have a lot of examples where I’ve been able to flip mistakes into progress. 

One recent example was been walking through that all-too-familiar feeling of not “blank” enough. I would make a simple mistake or fall short of a goal and then BOOM:

“I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough, quick enough, this enough, that enough …” and I would quickly spiral down a pathway of very destructive, negative thinking.

This is a daily battle for me that I lose a lot. But the only way I’ve found to try again is to ask for forgiveness and then forgive myself. 

So first,  I personally ask God for forgiveness, then I ask Drew (my husband) for forgiveness because he has to sit and listen to my complains, and then I say, “Brigitta, this is something you’re working on, you messed up and that’s ok. Get back in the game and try again.”

It’s a beautiful thing to slowly feel yourself beginning to change and shift into the direction you actually want to go in.

When you forgive yourself, you create space to go back and try again without the burden of shame and embarrassment. You now come from a clean slate and fresh perspective.

#2 We forgive ourselves because, in the process, we can see the shame or embarrassment point us to the things we really genuinely value and should focus on, and with that mental shift, we can help others see the beauty in their mistakes too.

Shame is beautiful, because, when someone feels shame, it shows you what they value. I couldn’t agree more with Alison Armstrong, a researcher and relationship expert, who shared this during a lecture series.

I feel like forgiving ourselves is almost an open acknowledgement of our mistake coupled with an expression of valuing our progress enough to move on and try again next time.

Instead of withholding forgiveness, I can freely forgive because the “shame” I feel from falling short is just because I value doing a good job. I genuinely value being at max capacity to make a difference in the lives around me and to be a force of encouragement. It’s a balance, but when I feel bad about falling short ,that simply means that I care.

To be able to accept your failures as a way to improve and see your shame as a beautiful way to uncover the values in your heart is life-changing. Approaching things from that perspective can only help others feel freer to do the same thing to themselves.

So I’d ask you: Where do you fall short that makes you really feel bad? 

#3 You are already forgiven

One of my favorite phrases in the Bible is in the book of Isaiah.

“Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow.”

Isaiah 1:18

When God forgives, He treats us like we never messed up. He casts our sins into a sea of grace and puts up a “no fishing” sign there.

When we are forgiven by God, we must accept forgiveness from Him. And once we are forgiven, who are we to not forgive ourselves, too?

Walk, instead, in the freedom of being forgiven.

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While reading through this blog, what is one thing you’ve struggled to forgive? Have you tried surrendering it to God, and have you forgiven yourself?

Take a moment on this, and I would love to pray for you. Let me know in the comments below. 

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