Dear Amazing Mother, what is your purpose?

Whether you are brand new to motherhood or seasoned and experienced, I think many of us grapple with the meaning of motherhood along the way.

I’m a year and a half into this motherhood rollercoaster and am just now coming to have a clearer vision of who I am and what my purpose is in this new season of little babies. Daily life is now kaleidoscopic, because everything is always new. I doubt I could find a mom anywhere at any time in history who hasn’t grappled with pinning down her new identity of “Mom.” I think about all the varieties of circumstances like Moses’ mother, who put him inside his basket and into the river, and Pharaoh’s daughter, who plucked Moses up and became is mother. 

But isn’t that what we all want: A clear vision of the meaning of our role and where we are headed no matter the circumstances? Don’t we want to jump out of bed every morning and know exactly why we are doing what we are doing?

I do and it means a lot to me! It took me a while to wipe away the blur of interrupted sleep and hour-by-hour demands to finally crystalize an honest vision of my future. In the fight to get it right, there was a lot of prayer and a whole lot of shrugged shoulders determined to go back to the drawing board for the umpteenth time yet again. 

My sincere hope is that these questions and thoughts cause us to ponder (during nap times, perhaps?) to help us to find our way to our emerging purpose as new moms:

Where are you finding your identity?

I know this is a tough, sometimes convicting, difficult question to wrestle with, but it’s a must. As I initially flailed about as a new mom feeling discouraged by how (relative to before having a baby) little I got done in a day, I realized I was misplacing my worth and identity in productivity. I once felt good about myself when I packed in doing all the laundry, meal prep, supported clients in my business or made progress on a work project, recorded a couple podcast episodes, worked out, caught up with my sister, and got to bed early and satisfied all in one day.

Enter the newborn phase and I was sorely disappointed when mom after mom told me to be happy if I can just squeeze in a shower. “A shower?” I thought to myself, “That’s pathetic if that’s all I ‘accomplish’ in a day!”

Little did I know! I had a lot of growing to do before I realized the value of the mundane, invisible and seemingly unquantifiable tasks with which moms eventually become acquainted. Until then, however, in those early days as my head hit the pillow each night I was sore and frustrated by how much was left undone. Achievements that once mattered so dearly to me were largely unattainable as they diminished in priority.

It took time to acquaint myself with the fact that I could still control the things bringing me joy. I simply needed to shift my focus to my new reality.

Think about it this way:

If you’ve ever played soccer, you know they teach you to point your toes towards the goal as you follow through on a kick. The ball is going to go where you focus your toes. If you watch basketball players at the free throw line, their whole body positioning points towards the goal from their toes, to squaring their shoulders off on the goal post, to following through with their finger tips lingering in the air while they wait for the ball to hit the net.

The same is true in our lives. Where we focus our and point our toes is the destination.

We Need to Value the Mundane

I can see, as a relatively new mom, switching focus alleviates the performance pressures of the past.  Assessing the value of the many duties and selfless acts required by mothers is where a shift in personal priorities comes into play. There are plenty of mothers who can’t or don’t shift their mental framework depending on their circumstances. Regardless, I see tremendous benefit from placing a high value on the mundane in order to step into your full mom purpose.

And if you don’t, then just ask yourself these personal questions:

Do you value mothers? (Yes)

Do you value all the unseen things mothers do for children like changing diapers, cooking meals, feeding, running carpools, facilitating young lives of learning and sports and activities? (Yes)

Then begin to place a higher value on the things on that list that mothers do day in and day out. You deserve to add this different framework, one that values the invisible items that make up your day. It is possible for you to design a vision  of you as the ideal mom.

As I grappled with my new role as mother, I came upon this blog written by Olympian Kelsie Holahan. She detailed some lessons she was learning as a new mom. I was so encouraged to be reminded I’m not alone as I wrestle with new challenges and neither are you! I also have always admired her priority shift transitioning from a highly competitive athlete to her very different purpose and identity as a mother.

Other identity-related questions to ponder in pursuit of our purpose:

• What brings me lasting joy?
• What do I consider important?
• What is my priority?

For some, their priority will be their career. For me–and I’m guessing you too–it’s probably family (or both family and career because I believe you can have both!).

In order to value my own identity and achieve this crystal clear vision for each and every day of my life, I needed to down-shift my priority of building my business to make room for my much more critical priority of raising babies in a hands-on, all-in, totally-involved way. I knew that’s how I wanted to rock motherhood, and I also knew there was only space for one top, overarching priority at a time.

But does that mean I needed to totally ditch my business? Absolutely not! Fun fact, I actually grew more in my business in my first year as a mom than I had in any of the five years prior. Talk about a surprise considering how much my availability shrunk overnight!

Let’s Shift Our Focus

All I had to do to thrive was shift my focus. When my son wakes up early from his nap he interrupts my work, but I hardly ever get frustrated anymore. I have adopted the mom always, business as much as I can mindset. As he continues to grow and need more of my attention, I now put the phone down and remember my commitment to mom always and business as much as I can.

I have had more joy in my day-to-day than ever. This is a direct result of time spent drilling down on my priority. Although I had a baby and became a mom overnight (literally), it took me months to nurture my head to catch up to my body in this respect.

How About You?

To sum things up, you’re a mom and amazing even if your days look different and your “productivity” changes. Maybe your struggle is totally different because of circumstances both physical and mental that bubble up between you and a clear vision for your future now that you’re a mom.
Is it the way your body has changed? Let’s continue to explore where we are finding our worth. Do you miss going from one social event to the next and now you move significantly slower with a bag, stroller and car seat in tow? 

I’m not sure maybe is slowing your embrace of motherhood, but you were meant to own it no matter where you are coming from prior to becoming a mom. For me, I was in desperate need of ditching my high value on productivity to realize the beauty of my new priority of motherhood. After that, everything else can go into the nooks and crannies as long as it’s not at the expense of priority number one, which for me is being hands-on and present with my son.

What is critically important to you? Choose your priority, and refocus the lens with which you view your day. If you are like me, given enough time–you’ll be springing out of bed for each day! You will be  purposeful (full of purpose!) in no time.

xoxo,
B