Emotional Leadership & Why You Need It
Basically everyone you come in contact with — doesn’t matter when or where or if you’re interacting with the most confident person that you know — everyone has a sign on their head that says “make me feel important”, try to understand me, I want to be heard, seen, valued.
This approach to interacting is, in a nutshell, what emotional leadership is all about, but there’s also much much more to it than that!
Emotional leadership is using your EQ instead of your IQ to lead, and knowing how to use both will put you head and shoulders above other people in your ability to lead and care for those around you.
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An article done by The Harvard Business Review does a great job breaking down emotional leadership into four, main components:
- Self awareness
- Self management
- Social awareness
- Relationship management
Self awareness: The funny part about self awareness is that it’s one of those things that we all feel like we have, but the reality is that most of us don’t. Self awareness is having both an awareness of your personal strengths and weaknesses, and an ability to recognize the effects you have on others
I notice my own need for self awareness when I’m in a bad mood and I realize the effect my bad mood has on others when I see a family member seem frustrated solely because I am in a bad mood. It’s like it rubs off on them!
But you could also think of a soccer game where you can really clearly see a connection between the emotions and belief of the team captain and the motivation of the rest of the team. Having self awareness is what will help that team captain recognize his or her effects on the people around them and (hopefully) maintain control of his or her emotions for their sake!
Some great self-awareness-growing questions to ponder are:
when did my emotions last positively affect someone else?
when did my behavior last negatively affect someone else?
what are my personal strengths?
how about my weaknesses and the way in which those effect others as well?
Self management is related closely. It’s the ability to manage your emotions in both stressful and non-stressful situations. Clearly, this comes with practice and overtime, not overnight.
RELATED: 3 Benefits to Know Your Story as a Leader
As you’re practicing and learning this one, it is TOTALLY okay to take a break, to think things through, and to find what works for you to collect yourself before responding to something frustrating. We live in a super fast-paced, quick-response-addicted society today, so it’s ok to briefly hit the pause button so that you don’t regret how you react, and then overtime, your breaks get shorter and shorter and maybe you don’t need them anymore!
Social awareness is knowing how to read a room; it’s knowing how to recognize emotions in others as well as the dynamics between them. This ends up being helpful all the time, because social settings can be anxiety-inducing, awkward, and everything in between.
Being calm and reading the room — observing, listening instead of being focused on talking — helps slow down the process so that you can see where you want to go in the midst of cliques that can seem unwelcoming, for example.
Another little pro-tip: If you want to be socially aware, you have to listen more than you speak. That is key!
Lastly, relationship management is the ability to influence, coach, and mentor others, and resolve conflict. Isn’t that really one of the ultimate goals of leadership?
Yup!
But all four of these components of emotional leadership build on one another, so start with self awareness, and then progress.
Show yourself grace.
Look for opportunities to grow and practice all of these skills (What is something you can volunteer for? Can you sign up to coach a kid’s sports team next season? Can you find someone to mentor you? How about someone you can mentor?)
And let’s end with my favorite emotional leadership quote by Marillyn Hewson (former president and CEO of lockheed martin):
“You can’t forget that organizational success flows from the hearts and minds of the men and women you lead. Rather than treating your people as you’d like to be treated, treat them as they would like to be treated. Small gestures like opting for face-to-face meetings or sending personal notes can have an enormous impact on teams and their morale.”
November 2, 2020
[…] RELATED: Emotional Leadership & Why You Need It […]
[…] A few episodes back, I shared a phrase that guides me through a ton life: Everyone has a sign on their forehead that says “Make me feel important” or, in other words, actually tell me that you appreciate something about me! And, also a few episodes back, I urged us all to start leading not like we have all the time in the world, but more with the attitude that life is fleeting so we definitely don’t need to wait for the perfect opportunity to thank someone or procrastinate sending the note of gratitude or congratulations. […]