How do I lead if no one follows me?

How do I lead if no one listens?”

That can definitely be both a frustrating and somewhat confusing issue. I think it is one that a lot of us have probably felt at some point.

Today, let’s dive into confident leadership, even when no ones listening.

Tune in to the full episode here!

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts

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If you find yourself in this situation — leading when you aren’t listened to — here is first what not to do:

Don’t get mad, don’t throw tantrums, don’t tell anyone they are just flat out wrong, and certainly don’t give up.

I’ve gotten pretty mad before about feeling like I’m not being listened to before, so I know what it feels like when this type of situation gets you frustrated.

I’m not encouraging you to not get frustrated because I don’t think that you have something important worth contributing. I am only encouraging you to not give to whatever group isn’t listening to you more value than it deserves. This is a pretty blanket statement, but just consider your priorities:

Is your priority to hammer your point across and force the members of your group project, for example, to listen to you, or is your priority to do your part, do it well, and get a good grade? 

I would ask the same question to those experiencing this in a professional capacity. If you’re putting your energy where it needs to go, then maybe it doesn’t even matter and isn’t even worth a second, irritated thought that you aren’t getting the listening-to that you deserve.

RELATED: Defining Success & Preparing for Opportunity

Another thing not to do is: Don’t give up. Don’t just quit the team and don’t just quit the project. Along the same lines, however, is to not demand respect simply due to a position.

Whether you end up getting it or not, respect is sometimes a little out of your control. Respect is always earned, never forcefully taken by you, and always willingly given to you.

If you’re going to get respect, it is up to the person who may or may not give it to you. You just need to conduct yourself in a manner worthy of respect, worthy of admiration and worthy of honor and esteem. Then, you can give yourself the respect that you have earned, but there are some people who are just never going to give it to you. You need to be okay with that even though it is hard.

When we are in that situation of not feeling heard or listened it, we need to try our best to understand where each person is coming from and why they aren’t listening to us.

If we do this the right way, this should really help us be able to loosen up a bit about it and not take it so personally.

In my personal experience, thinking of different perspectives that were less “me” focused really helped me just kind of think that there were really so many different contributing factors as to why I wasn’t being listened to that I was not going to worry about it anymore. 

The most important thing to remember regardless of if we are or aren’t listened to is this: 

Be filled with competence and character, and consistently demonstrate that over time.

Remember how I said that respect is earned? Sometimes it is just straight up never earned. There are going to be people who never give you the time of day, and sometimes there will be people who just take a while. Eventually you’ll find that your consistency—being the same person all the time, being good at your job or good as a student or good as an encourager towards everyone else in the group, doing the right thing, the honest thing—will make a huge difference in the long run. I think we can all find some sort of solace or comfort in just knowing that.

What is competence? It is how well you can do your job and be prepared. Competency is walking the walk, being organized and knowing what you’re doing. 

What is good character like? Character is being kind to your group members, being respectful, patience, and giving credit where credit is due. 

Lastly, to know if you’re consistent, just ask yourself: Am I like this all the time or just some of the time?

Be filled with competence and character, and consistently demonstrate that over time. I truly believe that has ripple effects on our relationships in ways that we cannot even predict. 

Not being listened to or feeling heard is always tough, but I also believe that challenges like that are opportunities to learn valuable leadership lessons that will help us serve others down the road.

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