One trait that all good leaders should have in common is celebrating others and moving the spotlight away from themselves and onto other people.

Celebrating others starts before you have a platform to share and before you have a huge following. Celebrating others starts with the simple but often misunderstood idea of inner confidence.

So let’s begin by exploring the question of why we would want to celebrate others in the first place: That’s an easy answer in my opinion! Most people aren’t celebrated enough! Most people aren’t told enough that they’re doing a great job, that someone is proud of them, or that they are appreciated.

A few episodes back, I shared a phrase that guides me through a ton life: Everyone has a sign on their forehead that says “Make me feel important” or, in other words, actually tell me that you appreciate something about me! And, also a few episodes back, I urged us all to start leading not like we have all the time in the world, but more with the attitude that life is fleeting so we definitely don’t need to wait for the perfect opportunity to thank someone or procrastinate sending the note of gratitude or congratulations. 

We need to celebrate one another.

It makes a big impact in most people’s lives, and it’s a fulfilling thing to do as the person giving out the appreciation. But there are a couple things that get in the way of that and can hold us back: Comparison and, ultimately, a lack of inner confidence. 

And putting this all into the lens of leadership, what is the first part of servant leadership? Service: Service to others; Celebration of others. 

Inner confidence isn’t easy. I like to think that inner confidence starts with wearing your character and your heart as your most important clothing. When you walk into a room, heads will turn curious to get to know your unique and bubbly personality. Ears will want to listen to what you have to say.

This makes me think actually of the verse in the Bible, Proverbs 31:25 that says:

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.”

It’s not what is on the outside at all.

I’ll pick on myself here a little bit too. I generally put a little too much stock into things that I know are superficial. Thankfully, Drew has been incredibly intentional about telling me that it was what he found beautiful on the inside of me (heart, personality, dreams, character, values) that made the difference for him. The outer beauty is just the cherry on top or the icing on the cake, so to speak. 

I know you have that inner beauty, and I also know you have that cherry-on-top outer beauty. The difference is in which one of those will we place our confidence: In the one that is fleeting and will ebb and flow or in the one that can be refined to be pure and lovely and strong. 

That’s for you to decide which one of those to pursue, but I’ll give you a spoil alert from my many lessons learned the hard way already that inner confidence is the way to go. 

If not, then yes: We pave the way for comparison. If I have even the tiniest feeling like I should compare myself to anyone else, my knee-jerk reaction to their having success isn’t going to be to celebrate them.

In the episode right before this one, the Q&A with Darynne Dahlem, if you haven’t listened to it it’s great. She really was amazing and gave the best advice, but I really appreciated how she painted an accurate picture of how cultivating this type of inner, lasting confidence didn’t happen overnight, took time, but was definitely worth it. 

She talks about how she didn’t look like the Miss Arkansas that had gone before her. Instead of team captain of the cheerleading team and popular, she was the school mascot and came in last every time she ran for student council. She’s a little clumsy and ran into someone on stage. She went through this incredible journey of learning to place her confidence in things that are important, and stop comparing. She has learned to celebrate and even cheer on her competitors in the Miss America competitions. 

Ways to cultivate confidence:

• Doing something and getting something done! 
  • Sometimes, we feel “bleh” kinda not in a good groove, not feeling super on top of the world, because we don’t feel accomplished at all. And sometimes all it takes is a little satisfying check off the to-do list to give us even the tiniest pep in our step! Find something simple but meaningful and check it off. 

• Tracking and journalling 
  • Our minds have a way of seeing things how we want them to see them. So if you have certain health goals, record the weights you’re starting with, record your very first run time, be brave and take a little picture smiling in the mirror so you can have the before. The before for anything is more important than the after in my opinion.

• Movement and exercise definitely helps with confidence.

• Go for something scary! Take a leap! 
  • It definitely builds our confidence if we do something that we have hesitations about, just because we do it. It builds our confidence muscle no matter the outcome of the situation, so my advice would be to just get to a centered place of being okay no matter the outcome before you take the leap of faith. 

• Do what is right
  • If you see the piece of trash littered in the park and think to yourself “hm, I should pick that up and put it in the trash can” then follow through with that and do it! 

Get more ideas here.

Celebrate others by:

• Sending a card.
• Send flowers! 
• When a friend starts something new that might or might not be something you are personally interested in, share it!
• When someone comes to you excited about something, mirror their excitement.
• Text one person each day in the morning just to tell them you think they’re doing a great job.
• You could pray for them. If you pray, I think it does a lot of good in the specific situation where maybe someone else is enjoying the success you wish you had, to pray for them to be blessed and successful!

Remember that celebrating others is a critical habit to get into if you’ve got your sights set on developing yourself into a servant leader, a leader capable of real change at the heart and head levels of others. And, not that it’s about you, (it is servant leadership!) but a cool part about celebrating others is that it comes back around as more positivity in our lives too. It’s fulfilling and rewarding and brings us happiness to celebrate others. 

I’m excited for us all to take one step closer towards a lasting confidence, towards a quiet, calm, inner confidence, and to channel that towards celebrating others.

So on that note: I am proud of you, I think you are doing amazing things, you’re full to the brim with potential, and I’m so thankful that you’re diving deeper into all aspects of your leadership! Our world needs more leadership and we need yours.