An honest reflection encouraging us all to step up to the challenges before us

I don’t remember much of my high school experience in detail, because most of my mental energy went to the intense pain I felt daily in my legs.

Although it took years to find a diagnosis, I had a severe case of Chronic Exertional Compartment Syndrome. The problem? It was exacerbated by impact activity, and I LOVED impact activity. I was one of the fittest females in my school, thrived in competitive environments, and loved all things running, jumping, and sprinting.

As my symptoms worsened and my love for running grew, I found myself in the back left corner of my AP Physics class trying to see the equations on the board through tears. All I felt was a constant, ringing pain. Although gruesome, I describe it like two knives stuck on the inside of each Tibia as I went throughout each day. If you are as interested in this as I am, here is a helpful animation explaining the anatomy of Compartment Syndrome.

I slowly started to pull away from friends, because I felt like I was no longer relatable. I didn’t care about the school dance, I just wanted solutions for my legs that would allow me to race pain-free again.

A few photos with my biggest supporter (my mom!) Olympian Lolo Jones, and following my first surgery:

Plug in Your Story: What is your hard?

What have you pushed through that has shaped you into who you are today?

I would not trade my situation if it meant being race in the Olympics for Track and Field. Not in an instant.

Why?

Because much of my character, discipline, grit, willingness, faith, dependence on the Lord, and even loyalty to others is among the flower garden that sprung up as a result of these painful seeds.

DISCIPLINE

• I learned how to wake up at the crack of dawn to lift weights. I was the only girl at my school seeking this much extra fitness coaching. So, I made lemonade with the lemons I had been given: A spot to lift weights with the football team. My legs were in too much pain to ever attend running practice, so I trained Monday through Friday alone in a pool every afternoon. I learned to work with what I had with a “no excuses” mindset, maximized the opportunities around me.

GRIT

• I learned how to push through pain. As a mom, this lesson shows up all over. I wanted a natural birth, so I treated the birthing process like a race and grudged through it. I have jumped on countless travel opportunities, because I choose to figure out a way to take my baby (now toddler) with me. If I set my mind on something, I make it happen. Those lessons are priceless.

FAITH and DEPENDENCE

• Another irreplicable piece of development I gleaned from my leg pain was this: Dependance on the Lord. My relationship with Jesus has matured much over the years, but the initial lesson in surrender came from running. I couldn’t run without God’s help. Many times I felt as if I couldn’t even take one more step. So, I would run concentrated on one phrase repeating in my mind: God please just a few more steps.

LOYALTY

• My mom and I are extremely close today. We talk every day, and much of this blossomed as she was with me every step of the way with my legs. She went to countless physical therapy appointments, testing, new doctor visits, and would stay up late researching on my behalf. She went to bat for me and taught me how to be “all in” as a friend and family member to others in the battles they face. I could not have navigated any of this without her constant and dedicated partnership.

SURRENDER

• Although this may seem counterintuitive, one of the most cherished things I learned from my leg pain was how to quit. I’ll never forget the day when the Lord got me to the point where I honestly didn’t care if I ever ran a day in my life again. I think he gave me this pain over a decade ago to get me to the point on this cold, October day: I cried into my journal and finally released my love for feeling the wind in my face, exploring the world at a jogging-pace, and felt the weight of pushing up this hill lifted from my shoulders. I gave up completely.
• Years prior, I had made the difficult decision to quit Division 1 college track, which was a step in the right decision with learning how to give things over to God. Ultimately, however, I didn’t fully let go until a solid ten years into this battle for pain-free legs.

Where We Are Today

I had finally matured to the point where my priorities didn’t compete anymore. I learned to desire whatever God has for me, even if it didn’t include something (running) He gave me a desire for. One of my favorite verses is this: God will fulfill his purpose for you.¹ It’s true! I’m living proof and would bet you have some stories in hindsight that would prove this to be true in your life as well. God has you where He wants you to be even if there is a grudge involved.

I eventually got a second surgery to re-release a few compartments in 2020. Threw into the mix was also a small Achilles injury I got from a careless run on a freezing cold day in college. That tiny Achilles issue stays with me now as my true “Achilles Heal” in life. It’s always giving me problems, and constantly limiting me from doing things I would otherwise do. In a very round-about way, I actually love it.

I love my Achilles pain and lingering Compartment Syndrome symptoms despite the nuisance they continue to be. They serve as a constant reminder that life is too short to obsess over the things we desire. Instead, the pain I still have today encourages me to hold things with hands wide open in surrender.

Turning this back to you once again: What is your hard?

What have you overcome that, although painful, has helped you flourish into who you are today?

XO,
B

1. Psalm 57:2 in the Bible ↩︎